The Dating Game

The Dating Game, Part Two: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly 

Thanks to Quinn (find her blog here: When Do I Get The Manual?), I realized I highly praised the online dating world in a previous post, but I did not address some of the ugly consequences of online dating. 

And here is one. One of many. 

Swipe left. Swipe right. Oh, he’s cute, swipe right. He’s getting a PhD, swipe right! Swipe left, swipe left, swipe right on the one with the snowboarding picture! 

Swiping left and right isn’t just something you do when playing a game on your phone. Swiping is basically the 2017 version of “putting yourself out there.” And boy, is it different from “putting yourself out there” when a screen isn’t involved. 

When scanning the crowd at a bar on a Friday night, you don’t have the luxury of locking eyes with a handsome stranger, and suddenly a biography of said stranger pops up. All of a sudden, you can learn Stranger’s name, age, town, and random facts that he has spilled in the hopes it would get the attention of someone like you. And in the blink of an eye, Stranger is not quite as mysterious and scary as he was pre-profile. 

You do have this luxury when it comes to online dating. However, if you were paying attention, this is not an Online Dating Appreciation post. This is to talk about one of the many downsides of dating. 

You have been talking to Jamie and Alex for a few weeks now. Jamie is in his last semester of ungrad and has a job lined up for the fall as a website designer. He has blonde hair, blue eyes, works our regularly, and cooks. Yep, you heard right, he COOKS. But…Alex is two years older than you, and is a high school algebra teacher. He has dreamy green eyes, brown hair, volunteers at an animal shelter, and loves the same television shows and movies as you do. Two great people, dates with both have been a success…but now what? It’s pretty much impossible to meet and talk to two guys at the same time in a bar, and have successful dates with both. But in the online world, it is quite easy to begin the dating process with two people at once. You just assume one or even both of the guys will turn out to be a loser – maybe one never broke up with his ex, while the other is catfishing you. Maybe you’re a dog person, but one hates dogs, and the other has ten cats and a pet Python. 

It’s rare and hard enough to click well with one person, but when you click with TWO people…? That just screams trouble.

Well, Internet, I have been through this. Different names, different occupations, but I went through it. And there is a semi-happy ending to this story. 

I say “semi-happy” because this story does not end messy…but, I am currently single. So, obviously, it didn’t work out with Jamie OR Alex. 

Life isn’t like The Bachelor – You don’t string two people along, having the exact same feelings for them at the exact same time until you are forced by national television to pick someone quite similarly to picking if you want the turkey sandwich or grilled cheese for lunch. Deep down, you know who you have stronger feelings for. You know you really want the grilled cheese. And that’s why when you flip a coin, if it lands on heads and head is the turkey sandwich, you feel a twinge of disappointment, proof of what you wanted all along. 

So, I chose the grilled cheese. Except, unlike with my lunch, I had to tell the runner-up the truth. 

When Jamie asked me for another date, I told him the truth. The whole truth. That I was also talking to someone else, and I had to see where it would go with the “someone else.”
And you know what happened? Now remember, folks – This is a TRUE STORY

Jamie THANKED ME. Yes, you heard correctly. He. Thanked. Me. He thanked me for being honest instead of giving a bad excuse for calling things off, or for hiding it and progressing with the both of them. Now, is that maturity or what?! I never knew maturity could be so sexy! 

In my gut, I knew Jamie wasn’t the right one for me (though he proved how awesome it was to meet someone incredibly mature!). But…I did say this story ends only semi-happy. And stating that, plus my current relationship status, was a big spoiler alert. Because I am no longer seeing Alex. Neither Jamie nor Alex was right for me. And for all of you out there with Jamies and Alexes, don’t go for the turkey sandwich because it didn’t work out with the grilled cheese. You never wanted the turkey sandwich to begin with. Try something new, and who knows? Maybe you’ll find a new, favorite lunch food. 

And for normal 20-something speech, and not hungry adulting speech, what I mean is: Don’t go back to the second guy as a rebound if the first guy didn’t work out. Don’t settle. Neither one was right for you. Spending your time with someone who you know won’t work out will just waste your time, and will prevent you from finding someone who it could work out with. 

There are ups and downs to everything – To trying to cook a new meal, taking a new route to get to work, online dating. The important question is: Are you willing to deal with the “downs” to find the “ups”? 

If you don’t try, you could be missing out on a hell of a lot of “ups.”

In the mean time, I’m going to order something new for lunch today. 

The Dating Game, Uncategorized

The Dating Game

This “The Dating Game” may be Part One to a very long series of future posts…Because when you are in your twenties (and are not settled down), the Dating Game seems to never end.

High school is long gone – You no longer see the same people every, single day, in the same building where everyone knows everyone else.

College is a fond, distant memory – You no longer get opportunities to meet people practically handed to you on a silver platter. Residence halls, dining halls, classes, clubs, parties, friends of friends. The chances to meet new people were endless.

What about now? There’s work, but dating co-workers can get very messy. On another note, if you are like me, the average age in my workplace is about 45. As much as I wouldn’t mind a slightly (few years, anyone?) older man who can show much more maturity than someone younger, that age is a bit too high out of my range.

There are bars. But that, too, can get complicated. You may be out with girl friends, and the bar is filled with single guys, but if you are out with a bunch of girls, huddled in what seems to be a “girls only” circle, guys feel intimidated to approach. And odds are one of the girls in your group might be having guy problems, and while getting ready before the outing you may all vow to have a “no boys, boys suck, yada yada” night. There is also a chance you may be going out with your best friend. If a guy starts chatting you up, would you just leave her in the dust? Same if someone began speaking to her, and you had to stand off on the sidelines, people-watching as you down your drink.

The scenarios and, along with them, issues, are endless.

If you are like me in the sense that:

  • I am not religious, so I do not attend services.
  • I am not very athletic, so I do not “do” sports.
  • I am not “Instafamous,” with 1,000+ followers DMing me compliments and admirations.

Then you, like me, feel as though you have only one option.

Online Dating

Two scary words put together, aren’t they? Yes, the online dating world does seem to be the easiest, yet scariest way to put your game piece in the Dating Game world.

I know many people who question online dating and I have been told countless times to “get off of those apps already.” Unfortunately, it seems to be the way of the world now. As of last year, Tinder was downloaded over 100 MILLION times. That’s right, you read it correctly – One. Hundred. MILLION.

What was once known as a hook-up app, is now the go-to spot to get to know potential dates. Personally, I am a big advocate for online dating. You can put yourself out there without leaving your couch, the options are endless, and to be quite honest, I find it a lot less awkward to meet someone face-to-face after you’ve texted back and forth numerous times to see if there is something there.

As long as you tread carefully. I do my fair share of Instagram/Facebook stalking to make sure they are the real-deal. The nice thing about Tinder is, you can see who you and the potential date share as mutual friends. I also make sure to go on a first date either during the day (coffee, anyone?), or if it must be in the evening, at a popular place with a lot of people in sight.

When your date goes splendidly, you can look back and smile, knowing you had a positive experience from a dating app, with the hope of more dates to come from this person.

And, when your date goes terribly, do not fret – You can go home, put on your sweatpants, and search for the next potential date, without having to leave the comfort of your bed.

Uncategorized

With a Little Help From My Friends…

It may be cliché, but the saying “I get by with a little help from my friends” never holds more true than when you are going through a rough time in the guy (or girl) department.

At this rough time in your life, your friends may be people, pets, music, art, the gym, books, YouTube and Netflix, or even blogs like this one.

As you may know as a 20-something, friendship can be a bit complicated. You’re out of college, so when you need a friend, you can’t walk down the hall, knock on a dorm room door, and ask for a wine and The Notebook night. In your twenties, you and your friends are working from approximately 9-5, the time you need them most because at least after work, you can stuff your face with ice cream and (attempt to) sleep the night away.

So, this week, here is my friend list:

  • Actual human friends, via text
  • My boss
  • Relationship forums
  • The La La Land soundtrack and Hamilton cast album

I have no shame in admitting that, when I’ve felt that I’ve driven my closest friends crazy with my constant “I can’t believe this happened” texts, I resort to music and the Internet.

Before this week, I listened to Hamilton on the ride to and from work every day. Why should this week be any different? Why should I sit in a long car ride, with the only sound being my thoughts running through my head? This week, I turned Hamilton on full-blast (okay, maybe only to volume 19, but still), and during work I have been playing La La Land to drown out any stray thoughts that may attempt to come forward.

After work, I find myself crawling into bed and under the covers, jumping every time my phone vibrates in case it could be He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Although I am still eating pretty minimally, my computer has helped the nights become nearly tear-free. Guys and gals, relationship forums do WONDERS. When you feel like you’re the only person on the planet who has been dumped in the morning, but then receives a snapchat from the dumpee that afternoon, never fear, the Internet is here! Every circumstance you can think of that you have been through, I promise there is a relationship article or forum addressing it. Yes, I did find many people who dealt with the “snapchat post-breakup” situation. I no longer felt alone; I felt more like I had found a group of people who shared my feelings and struggle. Unfortunately, misery does love company.

So, when you are feeling alone, just remember – you can get by with a little help from your friends. And if your friends are screens or music, that can be more than enough.

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Why I’m Here

Why am I here?

Short Answer: While Googling “How to get over being dumped,” most resources stated to reunite with an old, beloved hobby, or to get a new one. So here I am, with the latter.

Long Answer: I am a “young adult” in my mid-twenties, and have had my fair share of life experiences. Now, they may not be as dramatic as the life of a teenage girl, nor as wise as the life of a woman in perimenopause, but they are mine. If you are also in your twenties, you know that we 20-somethings have our own “adulting struggles” that only we understand.

Sure, older generations may have wonderful advice for us, but they did not go through their twenties in a world of Snapchat, iMessage read receipts, and brand new Star Wars movies. Teenagers may look up to us with wonder, filled with excitement for the “freedom” they will have once they are in our shoes. Sorry, kids, but I don’t have any freedom from student loans, bills, roommates, or stressful career situations.

Therefore, I am here for you – The twenty-something who has been hit with the adulting-world hard and fast, with the only possible end in sight seeming to be retirement.

I could be on my own in this 20s adulting struggle, and if I am, then I will continue to speak to myself through upcoming blog posts where I document my dating, career, apartment-living, and clumsy experiences.

And maybe I will look back on this blog when I hit thirty and think, “Wow, I thought I had it rough THEN?! If only I knew the struggles that were coming for me in my thirties!”

Until then, I will adult myself through this decade of my life.

And that is why I am here.